Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
