Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
