Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
