I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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