Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We're like a lot better than the average bears
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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