The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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