my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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