she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
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You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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