That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
