I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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