I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
