I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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