So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
