the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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