So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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