The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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