Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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