I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
