im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
