So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
