The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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