You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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