I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
