Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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