I think my fart just growled at me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
