I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
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What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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