You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
