Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
