Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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