i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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