so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
