She's JV to your varsity
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
