you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize