Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
