Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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