You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize