I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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