Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
