OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
