I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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