i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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