Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
