On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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