i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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