we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
