After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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