No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
