Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
