im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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