it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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