Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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