Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
