their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
