The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
