the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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