Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
