There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
