He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
