Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
