you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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