I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
