Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
