y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
